Last night I sat in the food court of North Point Mall with my kids. Nearby was a sign advertising a promotion for American Girl. I asked my five year old daughter, “Sweetheart, do you know about American Girl?” She knew of them, but had never been in the store. She wasn’t familiar with their products or what they offer. We were literally on top of the store yet she had no clue. A little smile came to my face as inside I was thinking “Mwahahahaahhaha!”
It is significant that Alpharetta has an American Girl store. Our affluent suburb is in a small and exclusive club of locations that include Fifth Avenue in Midtown Manhattan. So what is American Girl? It is an evil and diabolical scheme to separate fathers from their money. There have been many such schemes in the past, most recently Build-A-Bear. But American Girl is different and far more sinister. It appeals to a deep primordial instinct in little girls. I’ve never fully experienced the store, but I think the general idea is that girls select a doll that looks like them. Next they dress the doll (and the girl I guess) in matching outfits. You then have tea together in the cafe, get your hair done together, etc. And of course you have to go back each season and update clothes to keep in the current fashion trends. This is way beyond stuffing a teddy bear.
What I’ve managed to accomplish is possibly the finest example of misdirection in suburban fatherhood. I’m sure it has saved me hundreds of dollars in the process. Here’s my secret…
First, start young, before your daughters are old enough to appreciate this store. I don’t know if this works once the cat is out of the bag (and the cash is out of your wallet).
Next, realize that the American Girl store at North Point is downstairs and off the main drag. Never, ever enter the mall near the store. I would go a step farther. Never enter the mall at Sears or Macys. I suggest parking on the second floor of the parking deck and entering at Dillards. From there, stick to the second floor of the mall. You’ll have easy access to the food court. It is safe to descend to the first floor so long as you are past Macys. You can distract your kids with choo choo rides, the soft play area or the other activities down on that end of the mall.
Lastly, utilize the various overpriced cookie stores all scattered strategically on the second floor. Yes, they are your friends. Dangle that carrot in front of them… if you’re well behaved then you can have a cookie on the way out of the mall. Yeah, they are expensive, but a dollar here and there is a small price to pay.
When I was a kid parents complained about $50 Air Jordan shoes. I don’t want to be the parent griping about dropping C-notes at American Girl. For now my little misdirection plan is working. Sure it is simple. Just let American Girl’s poor location in the mall play to your favor. Never venture over there, even for a latte at Starbucks. You’ll be fine. If you follow these steps you just might avoid being like your parents.
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